TWILIGHT CHAT!
by PixiePerfect
Summary: What happens when Twilight takes a whole new twist...ON IM! With a freaky author That would be me . , WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
1. Chapter 1 Expect the unexpected

Twilight Chat.  
Chapter 1. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Bella has signed in

Bella: Hello?

Bella: ...

Bella: I know! I'll wait, and then I'll scare them!

Rosalie has signed in

Emmett has signed in

Jasper has signed in

Jacob has signed in

Jasper: Hello everyone.

Rosalie: Hi,

Jacob: Hey...

Emmett: Yoza my brotha!

Jacob: ...

Alice has signed in

Jacob: Ha! Saw it comin'...

Alice: Jazzy! Jacob hurt my feelings!

Jasper: Grrrrrr...

Jacob: Eeeep!

Jacob has signed out

Alice: Anyways, hi everyone!

Emmett: Yo ma psychic freak sista!

Alice: Okay, Rose, what did you feed him today?!

Rosalie: Nothing, I made the terrible mistake of telling him to eat what he wants.

Bella: RAWR!

Alice: *doesn't react* Hey Bella!

Bella: Didn't I scare you?

Alice: No, I saw your name in the Online Contacts box.

Bella: I forgot we had that...

Rosalie: Okay?

Emmett: LOLZ all day way!

Emmett: So what up-izzle my fam-izzle

Bella: Note to self, remind Rose never to let Emmett feed himself again.

Rosalie: I heard that!

Emmett: Technically, you read that.

Rosalie: Technically, I'm about to bust your face!

Emmett: Technically, I'm stronger than you.

Rosalie: Want to bet?

Emmett: Okay! I bet you Alice's car that I'm stronger.

Rosalie: Bring it!

Alice: Hey! My car! You no touchy!

Rosalie: Don't worry sis, if I win I'll give it back to you.

Alice: -^.^- Rose, you're my favorite!

Emmett: Oh yeah?! Well I'll give it backer to you!

Bella: ...?

Rosalie: ...?

Alice: ...?

Author: ...?

Everyone except Author: O.O

Author: What?

Emmett: You,

Rosalie: Didn't,

Alice: Even,

Bella: Sign,

Author: In? I know, but I'm the author I can do whatever I want. Like this:

Purple Peanut: Like what?

Red Rooster: Yea, like what?

Orange Orangutang: Like this. Look at our screen names.

Looney Lobster: Okay, everyone type in and send your names so we know who's

Looney Lobster: Who. Sorry I ran out of space to type.

Red Rooster: Emmett

Looney Lobster: Bella

Purple Peanut: Alice

Orange Orangutang: R.o.s.a.l.i.e

Author: Ha! Ha! Ha! Now, I'll change you all back.

Emmett: thAnks! Oh, whAt dId YOU dO thIs tIme?!

Bella: Isn't It ObvIOUs? All vOwEls ArE cApItAlIzEd. dUhh!

Rosalie: plEAsE chAngE It bAck tO nOrmAl AUthOr,

Author: Sure.

Rosalie: Thanks! Hey, where's Edward?

Emmett: Right here. And Bells, why'd you have to be so rude?

Bella: EDDIE-POO?!

Emmett: YES. /3

Bella: O.O I'M SOWWY...

Emmett: Ha, gotcha!

Bella: -_-

Bella has signed out

Rosalie has signed out

Alice has signed out

Emmett has signed out

Author has gone to get an ice cream cone :D 


	2. Chapter 2 Retardedness

Jasper has signed in

Victoria has signed in

Jasper; Hello every-

Victoria; RAWR!

Jasper; Ahh?

Victoria; Grrrrrr.

Jasper; *doesn't care*

Bella has signed in

Jasper; Hi Bell-

Victoria; RAWR!

Jasper; Ok, are you done now?

Bella; Nope. Just signed on.

Jasper; Not you, you retard!

Bella; EDDIE-POO! JAPSY-JASPER IS BEIN MEAN WITH ME AND MAKIN ME POUT.

Edward has signed in

Edward; Jasper...

Jasper; Hi Edward!

Bella; *sniff, sniff* Eddie, pouty face. :(

Edward; GRRRRRRR

Jasper; Oooh, as if I'd be scared of a little old 109 year old ugly vanilla-flavored-poop-faced vampire.

Victoria; WTF?

Edward; Jasper, you're doing the retardedness face again.

Jasper; What retardedness face? :K

Edward; The one where you stick both of your tongues out. I told Carlisle that it would be creepy to give you another tongue.

Author; No it's not.

Edward; Ok, author, that's enough. What's your name anyway?

Author; Actually, I'm not the author...I'm Carlisle! Author let me use her computer. How sweet, right! And I don't know her name.

Bella; I have a retardedness face too, see! :R

Victoria; WTF? Are you making a sideways loop with your tongue, and sticking the rest out? That's gross.

Author has signed out

Bella has signed out

Jasper has signed out

Edward has signed out

Victoria has signed out

Author; That was a fake sign out. Haha. I can do whatever I want! :) Goodbye, darling readers! Review! Sincerely, Carlisle.

Author has returned to the hospital. 


	3. Chapter 3 AN

A/N

Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've had writers block so it's been a truly painful and time consuming process. The next chapter will be uploaded within the next few days. Thanks for your reviews! Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to one of my reviewers that really stood out. I don't know if you're reading this right now, Agent Maine, but if you are then you're a real retard. If you hate my story so much STOP READING IT! But I'd really like to thank:

Voldie's Fav Death Eater

iminurbackyard96xD

Creaturess of the Night

You guys gave me great reviews and I hope you'll give me more. As a sign of my gratitude for your delightful reviews, you three will be featured in the next chapter!

Here's what Voldie's Fav Death Eater wrote:  
the wuz gr8

I suppose you mean "That was great". If that's what you meant, I'm really thankful. Reviews like yours are good motivation to keep writing.

Here's what iminurbackyard96xD wrote:  
hehehehe, dudeeeeee, update soon, plllllzzzzzzz?

Well, I am going to update soon, within the next few days. I really hope I haven't kept you waiting too long but it's a gorgeous summer so I've been taking advantage of the heat. That's what gave me my idea for one of my next chapters.

Here's what Creaturess of the Night wrote:  
Very good story keep writing it. You should make it into a book someday for children or teens or whoever likes Twilight someday. Very funny.

Thank you. I have considered becoming an author but here on fanfiction, our chapters are the equivilent of one page, and I already have enough complications writing on the internet, so I would never be capable of writing a whole book. Once again, thank you.

Now, for the most unpleasant review, let's give a big round of "BOO!"s for Agent Maine's review:  
For the love of all things holy, and RvB, please delete this. It makes my eyes burn, and I have the sudden desire to poke my eyes out with a fork after reading this abomination. IM/Chat fics are against the Guidelines of this site. Consider yourself reported, and if you want to bitch at me, feel free to stop by my forum. I suppose a congratulations are in order- when they write the new morality codes for how to not be a completely sh*t writer I am sure they will name entire sections of the doctrine after you. It seems you will have your place in history, my dear illiterate fanbrat.  
Try getting an actual grammar book, learn how to spell for f*cks sake and actually write instead of masturb*ting to a picture of Edward Cullen. Much love, sweets, Agent Maine

Well, well, well. First of all, no I won't delete it, because some people actually enjoyed it. If THIS makes your eyes burn, what does windex do to them? And you should poke your eyes out with forks, because I'm sure everyone would appreciate the pain it gives you. And no thanks, I don't want to stop by your trashy forum, it's torture enough reading this review. Oh really, will they name it after me? Or will they name it after you? And I don't need a grammar book, you do, because I'm pretty sure that the words shit, fuck and masturbating don't have stars in the middle. 'Kay, so we clear? Lots of Love, PixiePerfect

And that concludes this A/N. Keep readin' ;)


	4. Chapter 4 Saboteur

Voldie's Fav Death Eater = Voldie

Creaturess of the Night = Creature

iminurbackyard96xD = Backyard

Sorry I had to shorten your names :S

Voldie signed in

Creature signed in

Backyard signed in

Voldie: Okay, if author pops in, don't get freaked out. It wouldn't be the first time.

Creature: I know, Voldie. I've read the past chapters.

Backyard: Same. We're not stupid, you know.

Author: No, you really aren't.

Creature: Hey author! Can I ask you a question?

Voldie: Hey, whisper the question in my ear I want to know what it is!

Creature: Uhm, I'm going to ask it aloud...

Author: Shoot.

Creature: What's your name?

Author: Haven't you read my other stories?

Backyard: Nope.

Creature: No...

Voldie: I don't remember!

Author: It's Sabrina, but I really hate that name...

Voldie: Why? I think it's nice.

Author: Really?

Voldie: Do you want the truth or being nice?

Bella: The truth!

Author: How did you do that?

Bella: Well remember when you lent Carlisle your account? He granted me access to poof in and out of the chat Bella: Whenever I want. Ran out of space to-

Author: I know. You ran out of space to type.

Bella: Yep.

Alice: Author, before you ask, same as Bella.

Edward: Me too.

Emmett: Same.

Rosalie: Yep.

Esme: Yes, same as them.

Jasper: I love you.

Alice: Aw, I do too Honey!

Jasper: Not you! Author!

Author: You love...Me?

Jasper: Yes, I've been crazy about you since the first time you entered this very chatroom.

Author: O.O Jasper I feel the same way!

Alice: -_-

Voldie: Still here.

Backyard: Same.

Creature: Yep.

Esme: Come on, darlings. Let's give the author and Jasper a little privacy.

Everybody (except Jasper, Author and Anonymous) signed out.

(A/N This is where the story takes a big brother twist. There's a saboteur in the chatroom! Tell me in reviews who you think the saboteur is. Meanwhile in the story the saboteur will be known as "Anonymous".)

Author: Jazzy, do you like the name "Sabrina"?

Jasper: Honestly, not really. Why?

Author: Just wondering. You know my name is Aly?

Jasper: Really? That sounds like what I used to call-

Author: No, my name isn't Alice, it's Aly. *frowns*

Jasper: I'm sorry. That obviously made you upset. Let's make a promise to always be completely honest right now.

Anonymous: Jasper, you are making a totally wrong choice right now. You shouldn't love her, trust her, admire her,

Anonymous: feel remorse for upsetting her, YOU SHOULD HATE HER. Believe me Jasper, she's not good for you!

Jasper: Who the hell...?

THE WHOLE CHATROOM HAS BEEN DISCONNECTED.

A/N

In case you don't watch the TV show Big Brother, let me explain to you the concept of a saboteur:

The saboteur is one of the characters from this chapter. It could be ANY OF THEM. Even one of the guests. If one or more of my reviewers guess who the saboteur is before chapter eleven, they will get to choose a twilight character (you cannot choose a guest) and will replace that character for the rest of the story. In your reviews to guess who the saboteur is, also include the twilight character you would like to replace, just in case it's the right one. However, if nobody guesses the saboteur by chapter eleven, there will be no replacing whatsoever. Please make your reviews in the following format:

I think the saboteur is: _

If I am correct, I would like to replace: _

Extra Comment(s): _

P.S. Each reviewer is only granted one guess.


	5. Chapter 5 Losing you

Mua ha ha ha! Nobody has guessed the saboteur yet. Well, actually, there have only been two guesses. I am sorry to my two guessers, but that is... INCORRECT!

Now, Let's get this chapter started for real!

Jasper signed in

Author signed in

Jasper: What the hell...?

Author: I know right!

Jasper: Aly, that was really weird. Who do you think that was?

Author: I'm really sorry, Jazz, but, for once, I don't know.

Anonymous: You don't know because I disabled your powers over ours, Aly, or should I say, SABRINA!

Jasper: What? Her name is Aly, why call her "Sabrina"? That's an ugly name!

Author: *flinches*

Jasper: *Feels her pain* What's wrong?

Author: Oh...Uhm, nothing...

Jasper: *feels her nervousness* Something's wrong Aly. Tell me what it is.

Author: It's nothing!

Jasper: Aly, remember our promise to be totally honest?

Author: Yea...

Jasper: Well you're breaking it. If I can't trust you to tell me the truth, we're over.

Author: Jazz, no! Please.

Jasper: Forget it. I'm leaving.

Anonymous: Mua ha ha ha!

Jasper signed out.

Author: *whimpers*

Anonymous: I have won.

Author: I will get him back. That's what true love is.

Anonymous: Don't count on it.

The whole chatroom has been disconnected

Ooh la la! The saboteur has won this round. Please review! & Also don't forget the requested format.

I think the saboteur is:

If I am correct, I would like to replace:

Opinion/Extra Comments:

Thank you, I love you guys! xxx

-PixiePerfect-


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